A trait that seems to be core to my personality, but has definitely gotten me in trouble, is that I’m not one to ‘take sides.’ While I have affiliations (Oaklander, GenXer, Democrat), I don’t have much of a tribal sense. I never had school spirit. Apart from the companies I started, I was never employed anywhere for longer than 2 years. I voted for Nader in 1996 and 2000 (and was a member of the Green Party for a while) because I found Clinton’s politics distasteful (welfare reform, crime bills), Al Gore’s campaign baffling (Joe Lieberman, weird stance on the Eliel Gonzalez mess), and Ralph Nader addressed what I thought were the most important matters (he was basically a proto-Bernie Sanders). I still subscribe to The New York Times, because though it’s mealy-mouthed centrism and access journalism frustrates me, I believe it contains some of the best reporting and other information being published. I recognize we need to call out and act on the systemic forces that subjugate the less powerful, but I believe individuals are responsible for how they handle themselves, and I don’t have sympathy for when evidently counterproductive behavior leads to bad outcomes.
The way this has gotten me into trouble is that I’m not ‘loyal.’ I think common conceptions of loyalty (pledging 100% support, regardless of the specifics) are misguided. For me, loyalty is about how you show up when people need you, which some times means telling them their actions are making matters worse. Some folks don’t agree, and friends have left me because I didn’t stand with them.
Taking sides has become a convenient heuristic to manage the firehose of information in a polarized, intensified, and social-media drenched world. Nuance and specificity get lost, but I can’t help myself, as my whole life, I’ve been one of those folks who’d rather be correct than liked.
